If Mewtwo Were Ash's First Pokémon...
by Jp39
Summary: Wow... could it be? A new chapter? *gasp* Yes, believe it or not, folks, this fic is actually BACK! Hopefully, it's still as funny as people said it was before... **Chapters 1 and 2 separated; chapter 3 added**
1. Mewtwo, I Choose You!

Well, hello there everyone. I'm Jp39, as you can see, and this is my first fanfic on FF.net. (Not the first one I ever wrote, though.) This is really weird, but... um... I think it's almost funny. ^_^ Enjoy, and please review. 

_Update: As you can see, I finally stopped being lazy and split up chapters one and two. Well, I needed to add chapter three anyway... However, in doing this I deleted the fic and had to reupload, so bye-bye all those nice reviews... hopefully, I'll get some more to replace all the ones I lost. (Hint, hint. ^_^)_

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon. I'm just a poor high school kid with no money, so don't bother suing me. The only thing I have is my Gameboy and two versions of Pokémon. And you're not taking that! *Grabs Gameboy and cartriges and hides under computer desk.* You'll never get them, you hear me? Never! 

**_Episode 1: Mewtwo, I Choose You!_**

Professor Oak looked at the Pokéballs. He had just given Gary a Bulbasaur, and Ash Ketchum was going to arrive soon. Professor Oak didn't want Ash to do better in Pokémon training than his grandson, so he decided to give Ash a powerful Pokémon that there was no way that he could control. He fingered the Pokéball and smiled. There was no way Ash was going to be able to control THIS one. 

Ash ran into the lab. "I'm sorry! I know I'm late! I overslept! I'm sorry!" he yelled. He stopped to catch his breath. "So, do you have any Pokémon left for me?" 

Professor Oak smiled. "Lucky for you, there's still a Squirtle left. And I'll let you have it!" He handed Ash the Pokéball. 

"Cool!" Ash said. He started to open the Pokéball, but Professor Oak stopped him. 

"Don't!" he said, a little TOO worriedly. Ash looked at him in suprise. "I mean, you need to get going on your journey! You'll have plenty of time to look at your Pokémon later! Now, here's a Pokédex and some Pokéballs! Go! You want to catch a lot of Pokémon, don't you?" He pushed Ash out the door and sighed in relief. Finally he'd gotten rid of that stupid Pokémon. 

A Pikachu walked up to him. "A-HEM!" it said angrily. "I believe you were reading the script wrong, because, if I'm not mistaken, _I_ am supposed to be the one walking out that door with him!" 

Professor Oak stepped on the Pikachu. "Shut up! I had to get rid of that stupid thing, and giving it to Ash was the perfect way to do it." He paused. "You can go with Gary, if you want." 

The Pikachu paused. "Gary, Gary, he's the best!" it heard outside the door. 

"Um… now that I think of it… there's no place like home, right?" it said. "Now, anyway, what's for lunch? I'm starved!" 

"But you just had breakfast!" 

"And your point is…?" 

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Ash walked along the path outside Pallet Town. He still didn't understand why Professor Oak had been so desperate to get rid of him. He shrugged. Oh well. It didn't really matter. 

Suddenly, he saw a Pidgey. He took out his Pokédex. 

"Pidgey," the mechanical voice said. "A bird Pokémon. Pidgey is very gentle and doesn't usually attack without reason. An excellent way for new trainers to test their abilities." 

"All right!" said Ash. "Squirtle, I choose you!" He threw the Pokéball. But instead of Squirtle, out came a Pokémon that Ash had never seen before. 

"WHO are YOU?" he asked the strange Pokémon. 

"I am MEWTWO! Stand back or prepare to die, young human!" 

Ash whimpered. "Look, I don't mean any harm! I just want to be friends…" He trailed off and took out Dexter. 

"Mewtwo. An extremely rare and powerful Pokémon that is the result of a cloning experiment with the DNA of the rare Mew. Mewtwo has been known to be very hostile and can't be controlled by any trainer, not even the best Pokémon master in the world." 

Ash gulped. _No wonder Professor Oak was trying to get rid of me,_ he thought. _But what did I ever do to HIM?_

Ash looked Mewtwo up and down. He had never seen a stranger-looking Pokémon. Suddenly, something caught his attention. 

"What happened to your fingers?!" he blurted out without meaning to. 

_"WHAT?!"_

Ash gulped and his eyes widened. "I didn't mean it that way, I swear! I think they look cool! How'd you get them like that?" 

Mewtwo seemed to instantly become more friendly. "I was born this way. And you really like them?" 

"Yeah! They're cool!" 

Mewtwo smiled. "Well, maybe we CAN be friends, after all," He put out his hand. "I am Mewtwo. Greetings, Earthling. I come in peace." Then he laughed. "Sorry! I've always wanted to say that!" 

Ash shook Mewtwo's hand. "I'm Ash Ketchum," He paused. "Hey, Mewtwo?" 

"Yes?" 

"Do you suppose you could help me catch Pokémon? I mean, I know we're friends and everything, but could you help me win battles and catch Pokémon and stuff?" 

Mewtwo thought about this. "Okay. Anything for somebody who likes my fingers." 

"COOL!! I'M GOING TO HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL POKÉMON IN THE _WORLD_ ON MY SIDE!!" Ash yelled. 

Mewtwo flinched back a little. "Calm down. I'm not THAT powerful. Well, actually, I just don't have a lot of practice." He paused, then finished, looking a little embarrassed, "Besides, my powers don't work if I get scared." 

"What?" 

"Well, if I panic or start getting scared, I can't do ANYTHING. Zip. Zilch. Nada." 

Ash looked a little disappointed, then brightened. "Well, what would YOU have to be afraid of?" 

"Weedles." 

"WHAT?!" 

"I hate bugs." 

Ash groaned. Then he saw a Spearow in the distance. "Hey, Mewtwo, go get that Spearow!" 

"Okay!" said Mewtwo, running over to where the Spearow was. Then he picked it up and stuffed it in his mouth. 

"MEWTWO! What are you DOING?!" Ash yelled. 

Mewtwo looked at him, the Spearow still in his mouth. "Sorry. I'm a cat. Natural instinct." He spit out the Spearow, which went flying away. 

Ash sighed. "Mewtwo, next time ATTACK the Spearow before - " he broke off. "AAAHHH!!" 

"What?" asked Mewtwo. Then he turned around, only to see a whole flock of Spearows heading towards them, obviously bent on attacking them. "AAAAHHHHH!!!" Both boy and… um… genetically engineered psychic cat, began running. 

Suddenly, Ash had an idea. "Mewtwo!" he yelled as he ran. "Use Psychic on the Spearows to stop them!" 

"I can't!" 

"Why?" 

"I'm scared! And when I'm scared, I'm about as useful as… as… well, I can't do a thing!" Mewtwo yelled back. 

"Great! Just great!" Ash yelled sarcastically. Suddenly, they came to a cliff. "Quick, Mewtwo, JUMP IN!" 

"I can't! I'm afraid of the water!" 

"MEWTWO!!!" Ash yelled. Then he grabbed Mewtwo and jumped off the cliff, ignoring Mewtwo's frantic screams. 

**SPLASH!** They hit the water. But the current pulled them, and they couldn't get back up. It seemed as if they were going to drown… 

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Meanwhile, on the bank of the same river, a young redheaded girl sat fishing. Suddenly, she felt a tug on her line. "Huh?" she said, sitting up straighter. "I got a bite! It feels like a big one!" 

Using all her strength, she yanked the line out of the water. But when she did, what went flying through the air? Not a fish, but a huge, weird-looking cat, and a kid. They hit the bank, landing in a pile. Mewtwo landed on top of Ash. 

"It's a Pokémon… and some kid! Are you all right?" asked the girl in concern, hopping down from the bank. 

Mewtwo looked up. "Yeah, I'm fine." 

"Not you! The kid you're sitting on!" 

"Huh?" Mewtwo looked down. "Oh, THAT'S where Ash went! I was wondering what happened to him!" He got up. 

The girl bent down and poked at Ash. "Are you okay?" 

"Ow. Please. Get me. To. A doctor." Ash said haltingly. 

The girl turned to Mewtwo. "Don't just stand there! He needs medical attention! There's a hospital in Viridian!" 

"Hospital?" 

"It's like a Pokémon Center for humans! Now go!" Suddenly, there was a Spearow sound in the sky. 

"YAAAHHH! The birdies are back!" Mewtwo yelled. He ran towards the girl's bike, hopped on, and put Ash in the basket. 

"I don't fit in here!" Ash yelped. 

"Shut up!" said Mewtwo. 

"But I'm gonna fall out! Or the basket's gonna break! Whatever." 

"Just hold on tight!" said Mewtwo. 

"HEY! What do you think you're doing with my bike?!" the girl yelled. 

"Borrowing it. I'll give it back someday!" Then Mewtwo rode off. 

"Oh, you…" the girl said, putting her hands on her hips. 

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Meanwhile… 

"Mewtwo!" said Ash, who was hanging onto the handlebars of the bike for dear life. 

"What?" 

"Why are you riding the bike? You can FLY!" 

"Oh, right! I almost forgot!" Suddenly, the bike lifted up off the ground. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Something I've always wanted to try!" said Mewtwo happily, ignoring the sqwaking Spearows behind him. 

"Like what?" said Ash, praying he wasn't going to fall off the bike. 

"I won't tell you what. I'll just say… E.T. phone home!" Then Mewtwo burst out laughing. 

"Oh no…" said Ash. "MEWTWO! Stop this right now!" 

"No! I'm having fun!" 

Suddenly, the Spearows caught up with them. 

"AAAAHHHHH!!" yelled Mewtwo as he lost control of his powers and the bike went crashing to the ground. 

"Ow…" said Ash, before finally going unconcious, which was probably a blessing at this point. 

Mewtwo gulped. "Oops." Then he turned to face the Spearows. "Listen up, you pack of turkies! I am MEWTWO, the most powerful Pokémon in the world! You couldn't defeat me. Not even all of you together! So COME AND GET ME!!" 

He paused and swallowed. "But if you don't really want to…" he trailed off and looked at Ash. No, Mewtwo. Show no fear. In fact, don't HAVE any fear. You control the fear. The fear doesn't control you. You control the fear. You control the fear. 

All the Spearows dived right at him. "MEWTWO, PSYCHIC!!" he yelled, even though there was no point in this, since he knew what he was going to do, and it was just alerting the Spearows to what he was planning. But he didn't care. Suddenly, he froze the Spearows in midair and flung them against the ground once. Twice. Three times. Until even the last one was unconcious. Then Mewtwo allowed himself to celebrate his victory with poise and grace. 

"HAH! Stupid birds! I beat you! I beat you! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah NYAH!" He made a face at the unconcious Spearows, then went over to Ash. 

"Ash? Hey, Ash?" He nudged him. "Um… where was I supposed to bring him again? Oh yeah! The Pokémon Center!… no, wait it was… the hospital! Okay!" Mewtwo picked up Ash and headed for Viridian City. 

Ash stirred a little. "Mewtwo…" he murmered. 

"Yes?" 

"You're grounded." Then Ash went unconcious again. 

"Nuts! No video games for a week!" said Mewtwo in frustration. He shrugged. "Oh well." 

He came over a hill, and saw Viridian City. "COOOOL! I did it! Hang on, Ash, we're almost there!"


	2. Mewtwo Saves the Day

**_Episode 2: Mewtwo Saves the Day_**

(Let's count how many times Jessie says "Hand over the Pokémon" in this chapter. ^_^) 

Mewtwo ran into Viridian City. "I gotta get me some sneakers…" he muttered. Suddenly, he heard a voice. 

"Hey, you! Cat! Stop in the name of the law!" 

Mewtwo looked up and saw a female police officer. "Uh, sorry, but I'm busy right n -" 

"A talking Pokémon!" she gasped. Then she narrowed her eyes. "I've never seen a Pokémon like you. Who are you, anyway?" 

"Me? Um… I'm… I'm a human! I swear!" Mewtwo stammered. 

"You are not! You're a Pokémon!" 

"No! I'm a human! I just have… um… a very rare disease!" He saw her flinch away. "It's not contagious! It's… um… genetic!" Which IS basically the truth… he thought to himself. 

"What's your name?" 

"My name? Um… my name is Mew- er… M - m… Myron! My name is Myron!" 

"All right, then, Myron. Who's this person you're carrying?" 

"Huh? Oh, this is Ash! He's my train- er, he's a trainer. A Pokémon trainer! And I'm his… um… friend!" 

The police officer was still eyeing him suspiciously. "And what happened to him?" 

"Um… slight accident… nothing major… but I have to get him to the… um… hospital… as soon as possible." Mewtwo said, barely stopping himself from saying "Pokémon Center". 

"Can you prove this?" 

"Well, just look at him, lady! He's all beat up! Isn't that enough proof that I gotta get him to the hospital?!" 

"I mean can you prove who you ARE?!" The officer was starting to get irritated. 

"Oh, right!" Mewtwo fumbled in Ash's pocket and pulled out Dexter and opened it. 

"Mewtwo. A psychic Pokémon of the -" Dexter began. Mewtwo slammed it shut. 

"Shut up, you stupid computer!" he hissed at it. Then he got it to show the officer Ash's ID. 

The female officer nodded. "All right, you are who you say you are," She paused, then eyed Mewtwo. "At least, HE'S who you say he is. I still don't think I believe that you're a human being." 

"I'm human! I just have… um… Mewitosis! Yeah, that's it, Mewitosis. It makes you grow a tail and have cat ears and turn all gray and have big feet and weird fingers and fly and - oops. Forget the flying part." 

The officer gave him one more glance. "All right. The hospital is that way." She pointed. "Go down that street and hang a left. Then go a couple of blocks and it's the big building on your right. You can't miss it." 

"Um, how far is it as the cat - er, as the crow flies?" Mewtwo asked. 

"About two blocks. Why?" 

"Um, nevermind! Thanks!" said Mewtwo, running off. On the way off, he noticed a Wanted poster with two people's pictures on it. Since he didn't know who they were, he just ignored it. 

Then, after checking to make sure the officer wasn't watching, he stopped running and flew the rest of the way to the hospital. 

He didn't notice the redhead running behind him, yelling "GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID CAT!! I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to my bike!" 

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Mewtwo rushed into the hospital. "Is this the Human Center?" he asked the nurse. 

She looked up at him, raising her eyebrows. "This is the hospital. Why?" 

"Oh, right! Hospital!" said Mewtwo, mentally kicking himself. "My tr- my FRIEND was in an accident. Can you help him?" 

"Of course we can." She began typing something into the compter. "How did he get like that?" 

"Uhh… long story. But will he be OK?" 

"I think so." the nurse replied. She put Ash on a stretcher and wheeled him out of the room. 

Mewtwo tried to sit down, but after several attempts, came to a very important conclusion: Hospital benches are not made for those with huge tails. So he just kind of hovered near the cieling unless someone came in. If he heard someone coming, he'd sit on the bench as well as he could and hide behind a newspaper. Well, except in the case of one unfortunate gentleman that he hadn't heard coming who'd fainted and ended up in the hospital himself. 

After a while, Mewtwo decided to call Professor Oak. 

"Hiya, Professor!" he said brightly. 

Professor Oak groaned. "Hello, Mewtwo." he said unhappily. "How did your first day go?" 

"Pretty good! We only almost got killed once, I nearly got arrested, and I knocked out a whole flock of angry turkies!" 

"And they WONDER why I was happy to get rid of you…" said Professor Oak with a sigh. 

Suddenly, Pikachu grabbed the phone. 

"Listen, buster, I hope you know that you have just STOLEN my job!" it said angrily. "I had everything all lined up until YOU came along! Do you know how much money Warner and 4Kids were going to PAY me? Not to mention TV Tokyo! And now YOU get all of it, and I'm just some lousy SUPPORTING character!" 

Mewtwo blinked. "Sorry! I didn't mean to! What's the big deal, anyway? People still like you. So why are you so mad?" 

"Merchandizing, my friend, merchandizing!" snapped the Pikachu. "YOU are now the main Pokémon on the show! YOU are going to be the one that everyone loves! YOU are going to be the one with his face on everything under the sun! YOU are going to be the top-selling stuffed doll this Christmas! You, you, you! And it was supposed to be ME!! Do you know the kind of royalties I was supposed to be getting?!" 

Mewtwo swallowed. "Look, I'll be happy to make you my stock broker or something…" 

Pikachu paused. "What kind of a commission am I gonna get?" 

"Whatever you want! Just calm down!" 

"Okay, I'll take the job," Pikachu glared at Mewtwo. "But I STILL haven't forgiven you." 

"What if you were my agent? I'll give you a 10 per cent cut of all that I earn." 

"40 per cent." 

"15 per cent." 

"30 per cent." 

"20 per cent." 

"Deal!" said Pikachu. "Man I'm gonna be raking in the dough…" Suddenly, it paused. "Still, not as much as if you hadn't STOLEN my job!" 

"I'll give you half of the royalties, JUST SHUT UP!!" 

"Half is good." said Pikachu. Then it hung up, chuckling. "I am gonna be SO rich…" 

Professor Oak shook his head. "When am I gonna get a trainer to take YOU?!" 

Pikachu smiled. "Never!" It latched onto Professor Oak's leg. "I like you!" 

"Great…" said Professor Oak, moaning. 

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Later, the nurse took Ash out into the waiting room. 

"Your friend's all better, Myron," she said to Mewtwo. 

"Myron?" said Ash in disbelief. 

"Yes?" asked Mewtwo. 

Ash sighed and shook his head. "Nevermind." 

Suddenly, the door of the hospital banged open. 

"There you are!" a voice said. Ash and Myron - I mean, Mewtwo, looked up and saw that it was the redhead from the river. 

And she was NOT happy. 

"You stupid cat!" she yelled. "LOOK what you did to my bike!" 

The bike was pretty mangled, all right. (From Mewtwo's crash landing after his E.T. bit.) Mewtwo gulped. "Sorry. But… ya see… I can't pay you back right now… because… well, I'm a Pokémon, and we don't have money…" 

"Fine! You, then!" she turned to Ash. "You're his trainer, right?" 

"Uh…" 

"I thought so. So YOU can pay me back for my bike." She held out her hand for the money. 

Ash bit his lip. "Um… well, right now… at this very moment… I'm kinda… sorta…" 

"Broke." Mewtwo finished for him. 

"Yeah." said Ash. "So I can't pay you back yet." 

"What?!" said the girl. "Well, in that case, I'm following you until you pay me back!" 

"WHAT?!" yelled both Ash and Mewtwo at the same time. 

"Look, if your stupid cat hadn't… wait, what IS that thing, anyway?" 

"I'm Mewtwo." said Mewtwo, putting out a hand for her to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you." 

"Yeah, wish I could say the same." said the girl, shaking his hand. She turned to Ash. "And you?" 

"Uh… I'm… um…" Ash stammered. 

"What, you don't have a name or something?" 

"No! I'm Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town." he said. "It's… uh… nice to m-meet you." 

"Yeah, whatever." she said. "My name's Misty. Now if you'll excuse me for a minute, I'm going to call home and tell them that I'm going to be travelling with you for a while." Then she walked over to the row of public telephones on the wall. 

Mewtwo noticed that Ash's eyes followed her across the room. "Oooh… Ashy's got a GIRLfriend, Ashy's got a GIRLfriend!" he said in a sing-song voice. 

Ash glared at Mewtwo. "Shut up, you idiot!" he snapped. 

Suddenly there was a crashing sound, and the room filled with smoke. 

"What? What's this?!" said Misty as she made her way through the smoke to where Ash and Mewtwo were standing. 

The group heard two evil laughs from across the room. 

"All right, whoever you are: Who are you and what do you want?" Ash yelled out. 

"Allow us to introduce ourselves…" said one of the voices. 

"To protect the world from devastation." a woman's voice said. 

"To unite all peoples within our nation." a man's voice added. 

"To denounce the evils of truth and love." 

"To extend our reach to the stars above." 

Now both figures appeared through the smoke. 

"I'm Jessie." said the redheaded woman. 

"And I'm James." said the blue haired man holding a rose. 

"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" said Jessie. 

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" James finished. 

"Meowth! Dat's right!" chimed in a gangster-like voice as a Meowth jumped in front of the duo. 

"Who are you?" asked Ash. 

"I don't think he understood." James said. 

Jessie tossed her head. "Hand over all the rare Pokémon in the center, or we'll have to take them from you!" She noticed that both kids, the odd-looking Pokémon, and the nurse were all staring at them with unimpressed looks. 

"What?" asked James. 

"This is the hospital. Not the Pokémon Center." said the nurse in a flat voice. 

Jessie whacked her partner. "James! I told you we shouldn't have taken that left at the corner of fifth and main! But did you listen? No!" 

James got up off the floor and rubbed his head. "Well, there's got to be SOME Pokémon here worth stealing!" 

"There's only a few from the Pokémon Center that we… oops." the nurse covered her mouth. 

Team Rocket all smiled. "Den we'll take dose!" said the Meowth happily. 

Ash, Misty, and Mewtwo all glared at the nurse. 

"Just how stupid ARE you?!" Ash hissed angrily. 

"It was an ACCIDENT!" she hissed back. 

"Hand over the Pokémon!" said Jessie. 

"No way!" said the nurse. "Nurse Joy would hate me forever!" She paused. "Besides, why SHOULD I give you the Pokémon?" 

"Because we want them!" all three villians said at once. 

All of "the good guys" fell over anime-style and groaned. 

"Well, ya can't have everything you want!" said Mewtwo, making a face at Team Rocket. "Nyah!" 

"Shut up, you stupid cat." James said. 

"Now, nurse, hand over the Pokémon!" Jessie commanded. 

The nurse turned to Ash, Misty, and Mewtwo. "Quick! To the - " 

"Batmobile?" asked Mewtwo. 

"No, the BACK ROOM! Let's go!" They ran off. 

Mewtwo was the last out shouting. "Holy smokes, Batman! We've been attacked by a gang of Pokémon theives! Shall I use the Batring? Or perhaps the Bat-theif repellant? I know! The Bat-catnip!" 

Ash groaned. How in the world am I gonna survive training with HIM for a Pokémon? 

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In the back room… 

"We have to find some way to stop them!" said the nurse. 

"Well THAT'S obvious!" snapped Ash. 

"I was just summarizing for the readers!" she snapped back at him. 

"How about the Bat-gizmo?" asked Mewtwo. 

"SHUT UP!" said every person in the room at once. 

Team Rocket was using Ekans and Koffing to try and break down the door. Even with a sofa, a table, and a refrigerator, (what Mewtwo called "the Bat-blockade"), in front of the door, it wasn't going to take them much longer to get in. 

Suddenly Ash had an idea. "Mewtwo! Use your psychic powers to get rid of them!" 

Mewtwo shook his head. "I can't! I'm scared!" 

"Of THEM?!" Ash said. 

Mewtwo snorted. "Of course not! Why would I be afraid of THEM?!" He paused. "I'm afraid of the dark." 

"But it's not dark!" Ash protested. 

At that very moment, the lights went off. 

"See? Told ya. I'm psychic. I can tell the future… sorta." Mewtwo said. 

Ash sighed. "How come whenever we need you the most, you have to go and have a panic attack?!" 

"Well… because I'm scared of a lot of stuff, I guess. They call it paranoia. I'm a paranoid genetically-engineered psychic cat." 

The nurse sighed. "Don't worry. We've got our own power generator." She gestured towards a room where a lot of Pikachus were running on a treadmill-like thing and generating energy. 

"Wow! Look at all those Pikachus!" Misty said in amazement. 

"They look like they're in pain." Mewtwo observed. 

"Shut up." everyone said at once. 

Then Team Rocket managed to break down the door. "Hand over the Pokémon!" Jessie said. 

"No way!" Ash replied. Grabbing a Pokéball that was on the floor, he threw it. "You'll have to fight for them!" 

The Pokéball opened, and out came… a Rattata. 

"Ratttttaattatt!" it said. 

"Well, THAT was impressive." said Mewtwo sarcastically. 

"RAAAATTTT!" the Rattata yelled, running from Ekans and Koffing. 

Ash bit his lip. "This one'll be better!" Then he threw another Pokéball. 

Inside it was a Pidgey. 

"Pidgey." it said. 

"Ooh, I'm sure they're TREMBLING from fear of the mighty PIDGEY." Mewtwo said. 

Ash glared at Mewtwo as the Pidgey fled the scene. "This one looks like a winner!" 

Then he threw a Pokéball, and out came… nothing. The Pokéball was empty. 

"Sadly enough, I must say you're getting better." said Mewtwo, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

"Whose side are you on, anyway?!" Ash snapped at Mewtwo. 

"Uh…" 

"Forget that!" said Misty. She turned to Ash. "You and Mewtwo get out of here. I'LL take care of these two." She took a Pokéball out of her backpack. "Pokéball, GO!" 

Out came a Goldeen, flopping around on the floor. 

"Is that the BEST she can do?" asked Jessie, staring at the floundering Goldeen. 

"Gee, Ashy, your girlfriend's not much better at battling than YOU are." said Mewtwo. 

"SHUT UP!" both young trainers snapped. 

Misty turned to Ash. "Hurry! You know as well as I do that a water Pokémon can't fight on land. I was just distracting them! Now go!" 

"Right!" said Ash, pushing Mewtwo out of the room. 

"Where are we going, Ash?" asked Mewtwo. "Oh, I know! To the Batcave!" Then he ran out, followed by Ash. 

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However, they didn't get too far before Team Rocket and their Pokémon caught up with them. 

"Ekans, attack that weird-looking cat!" Jessie commanded. 

"AAAAHHH! It's a snake!" yelled Mewtwo. 

"MEWTWO!" said Ash. 

"What?" 

"DO SOMETHING!" 

"Like what?… Oh, you mean an attack! Okey-dokey, lets see what I can do." He took a deep breath and turned to Team Rocket. "All right, you dweebs, prepare to feel the might of MEWTWO! Nyah!" He made a face at them 

Ash sighed and slapped his forhead. "I GOTTA teach him something about intimidation…" he muttered to himself. 

Mewtwo got ready. "Here ya go, Team Sucker!" 

Then he caused a huge blast which destroyed the hospital, sent Team Rocket flying, and woke pets and people within a five-mile radius. 

"Did I do good?" Mewtwo said eagerly, turning to Ash, who was completely fried. 

"I think you overdid it… a little…" Ash said, wincing. 

Misty came running in. "What happened? What was that huge explosion?" 

Mewtwo smiled. "THAT was… a Batbeam!" Then he burst out laughing, as everyone else fell over anime-style and groaned. 

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Later, with Team Rocket… 

"That hurt…" said James. 

"Uh huh…" Meowth agreed. 

"Next time we'll…" Jessie broke off, and every memeber of Team Rocket realized something at the exact same moment. They all looked at each other with wide eyes and yelled in unison… 

_"THAT WAS A MEWTWO!!!!"_

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The next day… 

"So, Ashy, what're we gonna do today? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? What're we gonna do? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?" said Mewtwo, bouncing around happily. 

Ash whacked him and turned to Misty. "Were YOU the one who gave him coffee?" 

Misty shook her head. "I think it was the nurse." 

Ash sighed. "Remind me to kill her." 

"C'mon, tell me! What're we gonna do? How about we climb a mountain? How about Mt. Everest? Or we could swim! Maybe all the way to Hawaii! Can we? Can we? Huh? Huh? Can we?" 

"He's even MORE annoying when he's hyper." Ash said. 

"I would have thought it was impossible for him to get any more annoying." Misty replied. She started to say something else, but stopped and screamed. 

"What is it?" asked Ash. 

Misty ran and hid behind him. "A bug!" she said in fear. "A gross, disgusting, nauseating BUG!" 

Mewtwo heard this. "A bug? Ew! Gross gross gross! Quick, Ashy, step on it! Kill it! Do something do something DO SOMETHING!" He scrambled up a tree. 

Ash looked around, then saw the "gross, disgusting, nauseating bug". It was a Caterpie. 

"All right!" he said. He took out a Pokéball, twisted his hat backwards, and threw the Pokéball. "Pokéball, GO!" 

Will Ash catch the Caterpie? What will happen to Team Rocket? Will Mewtwo ever get decaffinated? Those answers and more in the next chapter of "If Mewtwo Had Been Ash's First Pokémon"! 

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Well, whaddaya think? Am I good? Am I crazy? Am I both? Please review! I'm probably going to do a third episode, and maybe even more, but it'll go faster if I get some encouragement. (Hint, hint.) I am very open to constructive criticism. And to flamers - if you're going to tell me I suck, please tell me why so I can improve.


	3. Mewtwo's Little Buddy

Whoah... it's been HOW LONG since I last updated this thing? 10/23?? That was AGES ago! Well, I apologize for the EXTREMELY long delay. There's really no excuse, but I really DO have some tough classes this year. (All honors and APP.) So I don't have too much free time. But, hey, in just a few short weeks I get off for summer vacation, so maybe the series doesn't have to die after all! Well... unless the whole summer job thing works out... oy. -_- 

Rating upped to PG for one blipped out cuss word in this part. A bit strict, I know... 

**_Episode 3: Mewtwo's Little Buddy_**

Quick recap from the last two episodes… 

Ash started out on his Pokémon journey, but "accidently" recieved Mewtwo from Professor Oak, who was hoping to give Ash an impossibly powerful Pokémon that he couldn't control so that Gary wouldn't have any competition. (Hmph. Cheater.) But Ash managed to befriend Mewtwo. 

Mewtwo turned out to be rather weird (Well, that's the understatement of the century.) - he was afraid of everything from bugs to the dark, (and flying purple monkeys… uh… don't ask.) and when he got scared of something, he couldn't do more than sit there and tremble. (Or faint.) 

Ash and Mewtwo accidently angered a bunch of Spearows, and, while trying to escape, Ash was injured, (Mewtwo still claims it wasn't his fault), and Mewtwo stole Misty's bike to get away from the Spearows. 

Then the duo arrived in Viridian City, where Mewtwo rushed Ash to the hospital. While they were there, Misty arrived and demanded payment for her broken bike. (Typical.) But soon after she got there, they were attacked by none other than Team Rocket, (Yeah, like who did you expect? Batman?) who had meant to attack the Pokémon Center, but took a wrong turn and ended up at the hospital instead. (Never let James hold the map.) However, the nurse let it slip that there were Pokémon there for treatment because the center was full. (Does that means that if the hospital gets full because of some freak accident, all the sick people get sent to the Pokémon Center? Oh, I feel really safe NOW.) 

After a long and… uh… arduous battle, (more like a short "I-don't-feel-the-least-bit-like-writing-a-battle" battle), Mewtwo drove Team Rocket out by blowing up the hospital. (What about all the sick patients? Well, I certainly hope they have good injury lawyers.) 

Team Rocket finally realized that the Pokémon they'd been attacked by was none other than an extremely rare Mewtwo. (Took 'em long enough.) 

Ash, Misty, and the newly caffinated Mewtwo, (...what the heck was I thinking when I wrote that??), set off into Viridian Forest where they found a Caterpie. ("Nuh uh! It was Mew in a very, very good disguise!" *thwap* I thought I told you to stay in your cage!) Ash got ready to capture it, which is where we left off… (Well wasn't that a long recap?) 

"Pokéball, go!" yelled Ash, hurling the red and white Pokéball at the Caterpie, right after his classic stock footage hat twist. 

"Cata?" asked the little Pokémon, apparently oblivious to the fact that it was wasting its last chance at a free life. 

**ZORT!** The Pokéball sucked in Caterpie. 

"Hey! Isn't that one of those things that Pinky says on _Pinky and the Brain_?" asked Mewtwo. 

"What?!" said Misty. 

"You know, 'Narf!', 'Zort!', 'Troz!'. That kind of thing!" 

Misty was about to reply when Jp39 told them both to shut up because this was supposed to be a dramatic, serious pause. 

As it was, Caterpie had already been caught and Ash was running around, jumping up and down and screaming about catching his first Pokémon. 

Misty rolled her eyes. "And you said MEWTWO was hyper." 

"Cool! I'm not the weirdest one around anymore!… hey, waitasecond, does that mean I'm not special now?" 

Misty promptly clubbed Ash with Standard Large Anime Hammer #13, hoping to knock him out long enough for common sense to regain control of his brain, and followed it up with a whack from Mewtwo, simply because he was getting annoying. 

Both trainer and Pokémon fell to the ground, unconcious. 

However, it didn't seem that Misty's attempt to calm Ash down did much, since mere seconds after he hit the ground, he jumped back up, fully healed, and began running around and talking about how great his new Pokémon was. 

Mewtwo just looked confused. "Huh? Where am I?… what's that you say? You're coming to get me? Okay, I'll be-" 

Misty cut him off. "WHO are you talking to?" 

"The little men who live in my head." 

Misty cracked him over the head one more time, which, while it didn't make him normal by ANY stretch, at least made him start acting like himself again. 

Ash had finally calmed down a little. "Look! Inside this Pokéball is my very first Pokémon!" 

"What about me?!" 

Ash sighed. "My very SECOND Pokémon." 

Mewtwo jumped up. "Cool! Can he be my friend?" 

Both Ash and Misty sweatdropped. 

"What?" asked Mewtwo. 

"Mewtwo," Misty began, "Don't you realize that you're supposed to be some warped, twisted, supreme evil being?" 

"Well, I WAS… but I got bored. Now I'm a good guy! So can the little bug dude be my friend?" 

Ash sighed. "Fine. If it will shut you up." 

"Oh, goody, goody, goody!" said Mewtwo, prancing around and clapping. 

Everyone sweatdropped. 

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Meanwhile, in another area of the forest… 

"James, I swear, if you play that Britney Spears CD ONE more time…" said one voice. 

"But, Jess, I like it!" said another voice, followed by the opening notes of "Oops!...I Did it Again", which was in turn followed by what sounded like someone having a large CD player repeatedly smashed over their head. 

James fell to the forest floor, trying to count the little Pidgies circling his head. 

Jessie dusted her hands off. "There. Now that THAT'S taken care of, we need to figure out our plan for stealing Mewtwo." 

James seemed to have miraculously recovered. "I know! How about we come in, do our motto, pick a fight with them, and grab Mewtwo when it's tired?" 

Um… then again, maybe the CD player had some permenent effects. 

"Great idea, James!" 

Oh, nevermind. Maybe it's something in the water around there. 

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Meanwhile, with our… uh… heros… (snicker), Ash and Misty were arguing about whether they should ditch Caterpie, and which road they should take through the forest, and several other various things that had nothing to do with anything, and Mewtwo was delivering some long, confusing speech to Caterpie. 

"…And thus I dub thee 'Little Buddy'!" said Mewtwo, finally wrapping up his longwinded christening. 

You could practically SEE the question marks popping out of Caterpie's head. 

But just because *you* could doesn't mean Mewtwo did. 

"C'mon, Little Buddy, let's go shut those two up." said Mewtwo, pointing to Ash and Misty. 

"CATA!" said Caterpie eagerly. It quickly shot a bunch of… uh… whatever that sticky white string stuff it shoots is, at Ash and Misty, who stopped fighting… mostly since they couldn't move. 

"There! That takes care of that!" Mewtwo said in satisfaction. After leaving Ash and Misty tied up for about five minutes, Mewtwo decided time-out was over and freed them… only to have them pick up exactly where they left off with the arguing. 

Exactly five sets of earplugs and thirty-two aspirin later, they made it to a suitable campground. Then the issue became who was going for firewood. 

"Well, *I'm* certainly not doing it! There's all kinds of gross, icky BUGS out there!" 

"So? You're scared of bugs smaller than you are?" 

"Yes! And why won't YOU go for firewood, Mr. Pokémon Master?" 

"Um... because I... um... I just don't want to, that's all!" 

Five minutes later, Ash was in the woods looking for firewood, Misty was looking for something suitable to eat for dinner, Caterpie was sleeping, and Mewtwo was trying to figure out why he thought he'd heard "...Baby One More Time" in the distance, followed by a really loud bang. 

Ash came limping back into the campsite carrying firewood. "Here's your stupid firewood, Misty." he grumbled. "I hope you're happy." 

Misty took the firewood, glaring at him. "Aww... Is poor widdle Ashy too much of a wimp to stand five minutes alone in the woods?" 

"I am not a wimp!" Ash snapped at her. 

"Yeah. You're just a coward and a weakling!" Mewtwo contributed. 

Ash glared at Mewtwo. "Whose side are you ON, anyway?" 

Mewtwo shrugged. "Um... I dunno..." 

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Later that night, afer many arguments and the discovery that Ash had kind of forgotten to buy food in Viridian, (which made all present rather cranky), everyone decided to settle down for the night. 

"What about me? Where am I supposed to sleep? I don't have a sleeping bag!" Mewtwo whined as Ash and Misty spread out their sleeping bags. 

"Sounds like a personal problem." Ash snapped. 

"But... but what am I supposed to DO??????" wailed Mewtwo. 

"I dunno. Why don't you try the ground or something?" said Misty, just as impatient as Ash had been. 

"But the ground's all... nasty!" 

"DEAL WITH IT!" yelled both tired and hungry trainers in unison. 

"Sheesh. Somebody forgot to put on their happy face this morning." grumbled Mewtwo. Fortunately, nobody heard him. 

"Aw, man, I'm NEVER gonna get to sleep on the ground." Mewtwo mumbled, lying down on the dirt near the fire. Of course, the instant his head hit the ground, he fell fast asleep. 

Caterpie stared up at the moon with a sigh. Mixed with the soothing sounds of streams and crickets, the sound of "You Drive Me Crazy" could be heard playing in the distance. 

_"JAMES! IF YOU DON'T TURN THAT ****ING CD OFF THIS INSTANT...!"_

Yup, nothing like the peacefulness of the forest at night to calm a person down... 

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The next morning, Ash, Mewtwo, and Caterpie were quite rudely awakened by Misty screaming bloody murder. 

"What? What is it!?" asked Ash, getting ready to spring into action-hero mode and defeat the evil bad guy with his increadible Caterpie. 

"It's awful! It's terrible!" Misty shrieked, covering her face. 

"What was it? A robber? A murderer?" Ash asked hopefully. 

"Worse!" 

"WHAT WAS IT!?" asked Mewtwo, losing his patience for the whole guessing game. 

Mity uncovered her face. "Oh... um... nevermind." 

Ash sighed sadly, disappointed that he wouldn't get to be the hero for another few minutes or so. 

However, Mewtwo was now curious. "What did you think you saw?" 

Misty looked slightly embarrassed. "I... um... just thought I saw *Nsync, that's all." 

"EEEK! *Nsync!? Where!?" shrieked Ash, now getting ready to spring into total-wimp mode and head for the hills. 

"No, don't worry, it was a false alarm!" Misty assured him. 

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. 

(A/N: Ack... please don't kill me...) 

There was a rustling in the bushes. 

"Run! It might be O-Town!" yelled Mewtwo, sprinting off in the general direction of Saffron City. 

"No, it's not. It's just a Pidgeotto." said Misty. 

"All right! A Pokémon! I'm gonna catch it!" yelled Ash. 

Misty rolled her eyes. "Now who saw that coming?" 

"Caterpie! I choose you!" 

ASH sent out CATERPIE! 

Enemy PIDGEOTTO used EAT! 

CRITICAL HIT! 

CATERPIE used CRY! 

MISTY used LECTURE! 

"ASH KETCHUM! You IDIOT! What the HECK were you thinking!? Call Caterpie back RIGHT NOW!" 

Ash, still not quite getting what was going on, returned Caterpie to its Pokéball. 

"YOU MORON! Don't you get it!? Pidgeotto EATS Caterpie! You could have gotten your Pokémon killed! Didn't you take Pokémon biology in school!?" 

"Um... what's school?" 

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to ask. But before Misty could release the five hour diatribe of Ash's training skills that she had planned, Mewtwo taped her mouth shut, figuring there was no need to prolong this episode any more than absolutely necessary. 

Ash, eyeing Misty warily, turned to Mewtwo. "Okay, Mewtwo, go get that Pidgeotto!" 

ASH sent out MEWTWO! 

Enemy PIDGEOTTO used FLY! 

MEWTWO used EAT! 

"MEWTWO! Spit out the Pidgeotto! I want to CATCH it, not FEED YOU!" 

"Mmmph is weallly ummy!" Mewtwo protested. 

"NOW!" Ash snapped. 

Mewtwo spit the Pidgeotto out. "Fine! Be that way!" 

But Ash wasn't listening. "Pokéball, go!.... Yes! I caught Pidgeotto!" 

Give a nickname to the PIDGEOTTO you just caught? 

"NO! And where is this video game stuff coming from, anyway!?" 

There was the sound of muffled shuffling and mumbling. Then, out of the sky came a voice... 

"Sorry about that. I made my brother take the Game Boy to the other room. It shouldn't be a problem anymore." 

Mewtwo gasped. "A voice from heaven!" he fell on his knees. 

Ash shook his head. "Nah, Mewtwo, that's just the writer. Ignore her." 

A bolt of lightning crashed down a few centimeters from where Ash was standing. 

"Um... did I say ignore? I meant worship! Yeah, worship!" Ash said quickly. "Eh heh heh heh..." 

Misty had by now pried the tape off her mouth. "Say, we're already on the sixth page of this fic. Shouldn't Team Rocket have shown up by now?" 

"To protect the world from devastation!" 

Mewtwo sighed. "Do the words 'Be careful what you wish for' mean ANYTHING to you?" 

"To unite all peoples within our nation!" 

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!" 

"To extend our reach to the stars above!" 

"Jessie!" 

"James!" 

"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" 

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" 

"Meowth! Dat's right!" 

"Is there anything in particular that you want?" Ash said tiredly. 

"Um... no. Not really. See, this episode is kind of getting too long, but we now have a mandatory one-appeareance-per-episode requirement that we have to satisfy." Jessie explained. 

"Besides, we wanted to say the motto!" James added. 

"So now we gotta run!" said Meowth. 

Then the trio ran off, with James singing "And they say, she's so lucky, she's a star. But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinkin'-" 

"STOP SINGING THAT SONG!!" Jessie yelled, clubbing him with a frying pan hard enough to send him flying. 

"Eee! Looks like James is blasting off a- hey, I can see my house!" 

A star twinkled in the distance as James disappeared from the screen. 

"Um... that was weird..." Ash finally said. 

"You noticed?" Mewtwo asked dryly. 

"I guess this is the end of this episode." Misty said. 

The screen started to shrink to one side and the words "TO BE CONTINUED" started to appear on the bottom when suddenly.... 

"Wait, wait, wait! That's not the end!" Jp39 yelped. "You're not allowed to do that!" 

The screen went back to normal size and "TO BE CONTINUED" disappeared. 

"Hey, look! Caterpie's evolving for no apparent reason!" said Mewtwo. 

"Cool!" said Ash, bending down to see his new Pokémon. "Nice to meet you, Metapod!" 

Misty watched this from a short way away. "I've never met anyone like him..." she said softly. "He really cares about his Pokémon." 

Mewtwo then popped up out of thin air. "Look, look! An AAML hint!" He turned to a bunch of people wearing "ASH + MISTY 4-EVER" t-shirts. (Who had apparently appeared out of nowhere.) "Quick, write that down!" 

The weird people in t-shirts quickly began scribbling on their "ASH ♥ MISTY" notepads. 

"WHAT are you DOING?" Misty asked, very weirded out by the t-shirt people. 

"We're writing down hints that you like Ash!" 

Misty turned pink. "But I *don't*!" 

"Look! She's blushing! Write that down!" 

"You people are WEIRD! Go away!" Misty stomped off. 

"She is SO in denial." the t-shirt people said to each other, nodding and smiling. 

"Um... in denial of what?" Ash asked, finally noticing the weird t-shirt people. 

The t-shirt people laughed. "As if you didn't know!" 

"Who let these people in here anyway?" 

"I did!" said Jp39, her voice once again doing the freaky "boom-from-the-sky" thing. "They're my friends!" 

"But they're so wei.... er... um... hey, whaddaya know? It's the end of the episode!" 

TO BE CONTINUED... 

"Hey! I SAID you can't do that! This is MY fic! Not fair!" 

^_^ I forgot how much fun it was to write this fic. Well, I'm working on episodes four and five... still have no idea what I'll do with number six... so be looking for those sometime this millenium. ^_^ Just kidding. I'm hoping to have those done soon. But I've got three really big projects coming up over the next couple weeks, plus final exams, so... Oh well. Please review, okay? 

BTW, that last part wasn't anti-AAML. To the contrary, I am a pretty firm Pokéshipper. I was just poking fun at the extremes some AAMLers go to to find hints. Also, I guess you probably figured out that I'm not much of a fan of teenybopper music. ^_^;; Nothin' personal to fans of those people; I just dun like 'em much.


End file.
